Tag: family

tonight, the dishes sat

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Our evening routine usually goes something like this:

After dinner, I start cleaning up the kitchen (dishes, counters, etc.).  Hubby usually entertains S and C while I do that. They often end up going downstairs to the basement or somewhere other than the kitchen so I can work.

Then, when I’m done I either join in the play or pick up the house. (By the time the kids are in bed, we are so pooped that it’s nice to have the house tidy beforehand so we can just relax.) Hubby is usually still with the kids, sometimes outside. Then it’s usually time for C to go down – I warm up a sippy of milk for him and go fetch him to take up to his room. Hubby then usually spends some time with S (bath or play) until it’s her bedtime.

Today, S said to me “mama can you and I play until you have to put C to bed?” My first answer was “no, you should go play with daddy, mama has to clean up.” But I quickly took that back.  I said, “sure!” and she was shocked.

So we played. We did magna tiles. We played with a little horse/vet lego set she had just finished building. We colored. All the way until I had to put C to bed.

And you know what? We still had to clean up after.  We still had to do the dishes. But it wasn’t the end of the world. In fact, I felt like I had a more fulfilled evening. I actually spent the end of the day with my kids instead of picking up from the end of our long day.

So yes, S (and C) – I vow to do that more often.  Play.  And let the dishes/kitchen/house sit and wait for me. It’s time well spent.

the balancing act…is there really one?

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I’ve had so many people ask me recently…how do you do it all? Like most people, I have multiple roles in my life. Mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, employee. But recently, with my daughter starting kindergarten, it seems a bit more concentrated on mom and work.

I’ve tried to remain active in the school…taking time off work to help out the teacher, zipping over to help for the 20 min lunch period (those lunch periods are crazy!), volunteering for the classroom holiday parties.  Then there are playdates. Then homework. Then lunches.  All the same stuff that all families go through with their kids in school.

The truth is, I have help. I have a nanny who helps out at home a TON, and let’s face it, she does more for our family than just watch my kids and get my daughter off the bus on days that I’m working outside the home (I work from home a couple of days a week). I also have a pretty involved husband. And the other secret? I feel like I’m always dropping the ball on something. Like when I’m at work, I’m not caught up at home…and when I’m at home, I feel like I missed the mark on something at work.

So I feel like I’m not really balancing at all…more just juggling. And, at times, I feel like I’m just catching the ball that’s closest to hitting the ground.

I guess that’s a bit of what motherhood can feel like, maybe?

my guys

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The one on the left? That’s my husband. My partner in life. The person I know I will grow old with. That I’ll be spending all my days with once my children have long left the house and started lives of their own.

The little guy on the right? He’s the one that has made me realize how big my heart really is. Before he came along, we were a family of three.  My heart was so incredibly full with love for my daughter that I worried (probably like many other soon-to-be-moms-of-two) how I could possibly love another child as much. But then he came along…in all his perfection, a little boy.

I had one sister growing up so although I was around little boys occasionally, I had never  observed my mother with a son. I was utterly, completely unprepared for the special place in your heart that only a son can hold. It’s just the way he needs me – it’s somehow different than how my daughter needs me.

And those big blue eyes and long eyelashes. Somehow they just look even more adorable on a little boy.

Sometimes when I see my husband and son together, I’m so grateful that C completed our family. Obviously we would have been thrilled to be blessed with another daughter as well. I just love seeing my two guys. Perhaps my husband feels the same way when he sees me with our daughter.

So grateful.

 

my time

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I always stay up WAY too late. My husband is constantly telling me, “you need to get to bed early today. You’re so tired…don’t stay up to late tonight!” But the reality is, I need it. The time, the quiet, the wind-down. My kids are usually out by 8.30 each night. Then my husband and I sometimes eat if we didn’t eat with the kids (a few times a week, this is our way of having mid-week date nights; we put on a movie or a show and eat at our own pace, and talk). Then, it’s time to pick up the house, pack lunches, fold laundry, the usual.

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By the time ALL of that is done, it’s about 10. After that, you’ll find me in the bedroom, either sitting in bed with my laptop (like I am now) or sitting in my favorite chair. I usually don’t go to sleep until about 11.30 or midnight…and my alarm goes off around 6.20.

I wouldn’t trade it.  I know I’m probably getting an hour less of sleep each night. But without that time…without a few quiet minutes (or an hour) to myself, I don’t get a chance to just be ME.  Not mama, not a wife – just ME.

And isn’t that an important part of being whole? I LOVE my role. I love waking up every Saturday and making homemade pancakes or waffles for the family. Love taking my kids to their weekend activities. To birthday parties. To visit relatives.  But we all know that taking time for ourselves is critical to being our best selves. Yes, I do things for myself outside the home – an occasional girls night, mani pedis, etc. But the 60-90 minutes of sleep I may sacrifice recharges my batteries every day.

So yeah I may be a little tired the next morning. But, I know it also means I’m my best self.

 

our family vacation…we did it!

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We did it!

Although this wasn’t our FIRST vacation as a family of 4, it was probably our hardest. Since little C was born (now 17 months), we’ve done a waterpark weekend, a week in Mexico, and now we did a one-week rental near the beach in Saugatuck. This one was the hardest, but also I think the most important.

We met up with some of my husband’s family that doesn’t live near us, and that we’re lucky to see maybe once or twice a year.  They have two young kids as well, same age as my kids. I believe strongly that I want my kids to grow up knowing their cousins (my sister-in-law does too) – so we planned this week with our two families. 4 adults, 4 kids, and lots of chaos.

The kids had a blast. At times the girls got on each other’s nerves, but that’s to be expected with 2 almost-5-year-olds.  We did the beach. We did ice cream downtown almost every day. We did movie nights. We did the park. I really do feel I gave my older one a week to remember (my younger one is probably still wondering what happened!).

I have a couple of things I’d do differently the next time, though – so something to think about if you’re planning to rent a place with another family. The space was sufficient – 5 bedrooms. Keeping the house clean and 8 people fed was tiring! Although I thoroughly enjoyed the family time, I came home pretty drained and with a backache.  Next time around I would do 2 things differently:

  • take advantage of the mid-week cleaning service the rental offers for a fee (linens, vacuum, mopping) – will save a few hours of time and make things less hectic
  • eat out or order in a few times (we cooked ALL of our meals at home…the next time, I would definitely plan ahead to accommodate preferences/allergies and find some safe places to either get take out or hit the restaurants!)

We plan to make this a yearly tradition…can’t wait!