Back to school knots

When I was young, back to school time was always met with mixed feelings in my young mind and heart.  Sadness to see the summer go, butterflies at the thought of new teachers and new classmates, and the excitement at the smell of new notebooks stacks of 3 hole punched paper and pencils.

As a mom now, back to school hasn’t meant TOO much.  S has been in preschool for two years and C is too young to go, but it wasn’t a huge deal. This year, it is.  S starts kindergarten in 3 weeks and I’m sick to my stomach over it.

It’s a mixture of things, once again.  My fear of whether I am starting her too early and should have “redshirted” her.  Will she be safe on a bus that has K-5th graders on it? What if the bus breaks down? Will she eat her lunch in the 20 min allowed? Will the two small recess breaks allowed be enough for her little mind and body?

And will she be sad and lonely? And if so, will there be someone that notices in this new sea of students where the cafeteria ratio of adults to kids is something she has never experienced.

I know these are all things that may happen and if not, she (and I) will make it through. But the thought of putting her on that bus and not really knowing what is going on from 8.15 to when she returns to the curb at 4.15 has me sick with worry.

I guess I have 3 weeks to figure it out.  The last thing I want is to appear nervous or sad when she’s climbing those steps on the bus. Ahhhh letting them go is so hard!

Much, much harder than I ever imagined when I wasn’t a mama.

 

it goes so fast

My little itty bitty graduated preschool yesterday.

I picked her up from school just like any other day, but had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. She started here when she was 3…and she will be 5 in a couple of months. I feel like it was just yesterday when I had to leave her crying in the arms of her teachers. Teachers that I just can’t begin to thank enough for taking care of my heart.

Her graduation ceremony was yesterday evening. My little baby…that I feel like was just born, walked across the stage in her little cap and gown (so cute!) to accept her “diploma.” I was sure she would cry. I was sure she would get stage fright. But nope, she walked right across, accepted the diploma from her teachers, then followed the instructions to pose with the piece of paper so mommy and daddy could get a photo.

Flashback to her first holiday concert at just over 3 years of age. Same auditorium. Same stage. The class started singing and she walked to the front of the stage sobbing to be rescued. Where did that little preschooler go?

She’s blooming right in front of my eyes. Posed for pics with the grandparents…enjoyed a celebratory ice cream after (and a bedtime that turned out to be way too late).  She amazes me every day, my firstborn.  I just can’t believe we are already starting kindergarten.

It goes by SO fast, doesn’t it. And I’m worried it will even go by faster with her younger brother. Time, slow down please…