Tag: kids

to grandmother’s house we go

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Today we visited grandma for the first time in about a year.  We see her at our house about two to three times a month – she comes to help watch the kids on an occasional Monday when my husband and I both have to work. But, it had been about a year since we made the trip to see her at her house (about an hour away).

Truth be told, she was a little irritated that it took us so long. But every time I thought about packing up everything little man would need (bottles, pack ‘n play, sound machine, portable high chair, etc.) just for a day I always felt like it wasn’t worth it since we saw her a few times a month already. So now that my son is down to one nap a day, he’s 16 months old and doesn’t need that much “stuff” – we packed up a few things and went for the day.

And I’m so glad we did. My almost 5 year old LOVED seeing Grandma’s house.  She remembered quite a bit from last year – the backyard, the tomato plants, the garden, Grandma’s room, etc. But there was also a lot she rediscovered. My husband’s toys from when she was little, for example. And the lemonade popsicles Grandma keeps in her freezer for her.  My son just had fun running around her house and backyard.

I realized that we need to do this more often. Seeing the joy on my mother-in-laws face, having both her kids at HER house was clearly so meaningful to her. And, I know that she won’t be around forever. And for all the times she drives down to our house to spend time with my kids – we should be able to make the effort to go see her where she is most comfortable – her home. Especially since she is a widow (although my brother-in-law moved back in with her…that’s a story for another day!).  The company is a nice change for her.

I feel like we thoroughly enjoyed our day. On the way home my daughter said she can’t wait to go back to Grandma’s house. I have such fond memories of my grandparents’ homes – I would love my kids to have the same. So I plan to make that happen for them! I’m committing to get them up there more often, so that they can look back and have the same kinds of memories I do of my youth.

It was a great day!

 

finding a teaching moment in a difficult one

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Today was a tough evening for my almost 5 year old. She was playing outside with my husband before bed and saw a couple of the neighbor kids in their pool…with some friends.  Of course she wanted to go in, and had trouble understanding why she wasn’t invited.

I watched out the window as my husband carried her in, sobbing. Initially I was a bit mortified that we caused a scene outside, but as soon as I saw her my heart softened.

She looked so sad, so little. And she said to me, “Mama, I wasn’t invited. Why wasn’t I invited? Why didn’t they want me to swim with them?” I picked her up and sat on the couch with her, and hugged her. I could feel the disappointment in her little frame as she cried into my chest.

I realized that this was probably a teaching moment. That I should try to use it to explain that this is how it feels to be left out, and let’s make sure we show kindness so nobody else feels that way around us. So I tried.  I tried to tell her that that didn’t mean they weren’t her friends “but mama, they NEVER invite me to swim and I always see my other friends there.” (that was a tough one). Truth is, that does happen. We have had playdates with the kids that live there, but she hasn’t gotten a “swim invitation.” But I know it’s their home, their pool, and they are under no obligation to invite my child. I was in no way upset with them.

I know this is a lesson that my daughter would be learning soon anyway…the first of many. But it was so hard. The look in her eyes were of genuine hurt.  And confusion. Even though I tried my best to explain it to her in a way that she could understand (we don’t always have playdates with everyone, sometimes friends like to play with other friends) it really hurt my heart to see her sad. Because to her, it was so easy.  Everyone plays together.

But I used it as a lesson about inclusion. How when she is playing on her swingset with a friend, how she can call out and say “do you want to come play with me?”

Although she cried a lot last night, she woke up her usual happy self. I am hoping that tonight’s outside playtime doesn’t rekindle the same sadness, and that she knows what to expect and can move past it. I hate seeing my kiddo hurting, but I know this is the first of many difficult life lessons for her.

let’s hear it for the single parents

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Whenever I’m home alone with the kids for more than a day or two, I start to think…how do single parents do it?

I mean, I can get through a couple of days. The crazy mornings, trying to get everyone out the door, the meals, the cleanup, the baths, the tantrums, the cleanup again, etc. But I’ve realized I don’t stop to think often enough about how grateful I am to be a part of a two person team that works side by side to keep things running smoothly.

I’m lucky enough to have a husband who definitely pulls his weight, both with the household chores and raising the kids. From the time we both get home to the time we go to bed, he participates alongside me every step of the way. Sometimes together, sometimes in a divide and conquer sort of way. And we both help each other out – one of us will often say to the other – “you head on up to bed, I’ll finish up these dishes.”

But those single moms – or dads – it’s THEM all the time. No backup, nobody else to help with cleanup…or tantrums…or baths. How are they not exhausted all the time? Maybe they are.  Maybe I need to think about that a bit more the next time I bump into someone I know that is handling it all solo.

So tonight, this is a shout out to all the single parents out there.  You rock.  I don’t know how you do it, but you impress me and give me strength at the end of a long day!

it goes so fast

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My little itty bitty graduated preschool yesterday.

I picked her up from school just like any other day, but had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. She started here when she was 3…and she will be 5 in a couple of months. I feel like it was just yesterday when I had to leave her crying in the arms of her teachers. Teachers that I just can’t begin to thank enough for taking care of my heart.

Her graduation ceremony was yesterday evening. My little baby…that I feel like was just born, walked across the stage in her little cap and gown (so cute!) to accept her “diploma.” I was sure she would cry. I was sure she would get stage fright. But nope, she walked right across, accepted the diploma from her teachers, then followed the instructions to pose with the piece of paper so mommy and daddy could get a photo.

Flashback to her first holiday concert at just over 3 years of age. Same auditorium. Same stage. The class started singing and she walked to the front of the stage sobbing to be rescued. Where did that little preschooler go?

She’s blooming right in front of my eyes. Posed for pics with the grandparents…enjoyed a celebratory ice cream after (and a bedtime that turned out to be way too late).  She amazes me every day, my firstborn.  I just can’t believe we are already starting kindergarten.

It goes by SO fast, doesn’t it. And I’m worried it will even go by faster with her younger brother. Time, slow down please…

You stole my heart, little man

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I don’t even know how to really describe it or when it happened. Of course I loved him even before he was born. And then fell in love with him again the minute he took his first breath. But then sometime after that, he stole my heart. 

Maybe it was when he first said mama. Or maybe it was the first time he smiled. Or maybe, it was th first time he held my hand when he was learning to walk. 

I watched him at the park the other day. He’s so curious right now at 15 months of age. And he kept turning to me as if to say “did you see that? what is that? what does that do?” And even though he would run off exploring, he would keep looking back at me to make sure I was still there. 

Then when he had had enough exploring, he walked back over to me, lifted his arms up to be picked up, and then came in for a snuggle. 

Boys are so precious. I secretly hope this little one turns out to be a little bit of a mama’s boy. My daughter is such a daddy’s girl, it’s only fair, right? Even if he doesn’t…every time he looks at me with those giant blue eyes I just melt. 

There’s just something about a baby boy. 🙂

what a nice, full weekend

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That’s what my husband said to me tonight, and boy was he right.  Our weekend was full of all the usual 3-day weekend “stuff” – outside play, inside chores, and a family BBQ.  But for some reason, it felt exceptionally long this time (in a good way).

We had great weather, and I think was the combination of this plus minimal plans that allowed us to really free-flow with the weekend. No birthday parties, no hard-core plans to do xy or z. I felt like we were really conscious of the kids – not in a rush to the next thing sort of way, but in a “what would you like to do after your nap today?” sort of way.

At the park, I put my phone away except to snap a few photos. I noticed every other parent on their phone (I’ll admit, I do that too at times). But I played. I mean I really PLAYED this time…climbed the rock wall with my daughter and swung along instead of just watching.

It taught me something – that I enjoyed the time at home much more, and appreciated my kids more when there was unstructured time to spend together. I think I’m going to make more of an effort to leave our weekends a bit more free…and say “no” to certain invitations and be okay with it.

Hope everyone else enjoyed their Memorial Day weekend as much as we did!

 

Good morning! Shhhh the kids are not up yet…

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I have this sign next to my coffee canister and coffee pot. It makes me smile every morning. 

Some mornings, like today, the weekend allows me to relax for a few minutes while the house is still asleep. And it captures how I feel. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my kids (even when they’re just sleeping!). But I have a few minutes to myself to sit in the sunroom and enjoy the morning. 

Soon the kids will be running around. My soon-to-be 5 year old S will be asking for our Saturday tradition of pancakes. C will be ready to climb into his high chair for breakfast. My husband and I will start planning out the day’s chores and fun. 

But right now, before I make my grocery list or call customer service at Bath & Body Works to find out why they cancelled my order of smartsoap for my kitchen, I’m going to peruse blogs and enjoy my hot beverage with the birds chirping outside.

Hope you friends all have a wonderful morning as well. 

Please stop judging, fellow momma

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Something has been on my mind for a while now.  Something that as a parent, you can’t help but notice. It has been nagging me to the point where I think my husband is exhausted hearing me talk about it (and I’m pretty sure he’s ready to go buy some earplugs).

It’s the way lots of us judge our fellow mommas.  It’s something you don’t really notice until you become a mom, and I think dads are either oblivious to it or just don’t work that way (which is nice).  But fellow moms, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  It’s the looks, the comments of “oh, we use x” or “our family does y.” Topics like:

  • organic vs. not
  • GMO vs. non GMO
  • disposable vs. cloth diapers
  • cows milk vs. other options
  • food dye
  • grains vs. no grains
  • vaccines
  • stay at home vs working mom

And the list goes on. It’s the mom that starts the conversation with “so what kind of milk are you transitioning C to when he turns 1? Oh, you’re going to do cow’s milk? Oh we don’t believe in that.”  Or “Oh, your poor kid has the flu? Didn’t you say your family got the flu shot? That’s why we don’t do the flu shot, we just wash our hands.”  Yeah, like I don’t wash my kids hands. I just let them run around putting their mouths on water fountains and eating their food off the mommy and me class floors. (for the record, I do wash my kids hands and they don’t eat off the floor.)

What happened to the village? To supporting one another’s choices…to be a cheerleader for your fellow moms? We moms put enough pressure on ourselves already – questioning everything from whether it was the right choice to start solids at 6 months to whether it was the wrong choice to start kindergarten at age 5. We certainly don’t need to add to another mom’s second-guessing. And I certainly don’t need “friends” making me ruminate about the non-organic green beans I fed my kids with dinner last night.

Social media  has something to do with it, I’m convinced of it. Whereas before, conversations were more personal, more one on one – we now have the ability to blast opinions and share our position to the world.  It’s much easier to hide behind a screen and use that free speech thing. Think your friend shouldn’t have given her kids pop tarts as they walked to the bus stop? You can now “coincidentally” share an article on Facebook (targeted but not targeted, you get what I’m saying) on why pop tarts are bad for kids. Anti-vaccine and have a friend who just posted about 12 month shots? Easy to just happen to come across an article that talks about why vaccines are unsafe…and share away that afternoon.

So one thing I’m promising my friends and myself – you won’t see me sharing things on social media that make you feel bad about your parenting decisions. I will not condemn you for choices you make for your family that are different than mine.  I will not coincidentally post “Wow!” and share a post that talks about how you’re poisoning your kids if you give them anything that isn’t organic.  There is a difference between sharing information and strategically pointing out choices you don’t agree with…and us women know exactly what we’re doing when we pick one approach or the other. We’re pretty smart, except sometimes not when it comes to standing with one another.

Who’s with me?

nevertheless, she persisted

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I watched my daughter climbing up the rock wall on the back of our swingset a couple of days ago.  She has gotten fairly good at it, but it takes a few tries and she sometimes falls a couple of times before she is able to hoist herself all the way up.

“Mama watch this!” she said as she put one foot at a time on a foothold.  She got stuck, not sure what her next move should be, and I reminded her to move her arms up the rope to help pull herself up for the next step. She slipped, and determined to make it to the top, started back up from the ground.  Two more tries and she was up in the clubhouse.

I hope she never loses that persistence.  That sense of determination she has is something I’m so proud of. Sometimes it comes across as defiance; when she wants to finish coloring her picture just perfectly even though it’s bathtime,  for example. But if I really think about it, I never want her to lose it.

There will be so many challenges in her life, that I want to find a way to keep encouraging her to try and try again.  That desire to succeed, to make it, to accomplish something she sets her mind to is SO important, I think, especially for young girls. I never want her to think she can’t do something because of her gender. I’m not sure if the current climate has me thinking more about this, or just the fact that I have a young girl now.

So I’ll have to remember that, the next time she is trying to get a stubborn zipper up by herself and I’m standing by the door keys in hand rushing her out the door…I should stop to recognize her persistence when she succeeds. Persistence and determination will get her a lot farther in life than simply hurrying to the next thing on our list.

Our first baby

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I have a lot of guilt about this one. 

My husband and I adopted our dog from a rescue the year we got engaged, and he was our first baby. We would rush home to let him out and feed him, he slept in our room with us, and we would take him to all our family gatherings. 
Plenty of people warned me that when we had kids, our dog would likely be neglected. I didn’t believe them – why would someone neglect a dog? They weren’t even that much work. You love on them, walk them, feed them, let them out. I said I would never let that happen to our sweet dog. 

Fast forward about 12 years later. We have a 4 1/2 year old and a 14 month old, and our lives have completely changed. Our kids naturally take up all of our waking hours, and we find ourselves asking each other before bed “did you feed the dog?” I’m not saying we ignore him – he usually accompanies us out on our walks and playtime in the backyard and hangs out with us wherever we are in the house. But I can admit he has taken a back seat….and sometimes I look at him and wonder if he actually, in a doggy sort of way, feels sad. 

He’s getting older…he can’t really hear anymore and he’s moving a little slower. So I find myself hoping that we have given him a good life, even if he doesn’t get as much attention as he used to. I dread the day he passes and I’m sure I’ll have some regrets.

I still love our sweet dog so much, our first baby. And oh he does still get to sleep in our bedroom, we never changed that.