wish you more

I, like many moms, often question myself. I found myself staring out the window on a work trip to new york and the thoughts were swirling through my mind.

• Am I doing enough?
• Did I give them the right nutrition today?
• Did they get too much screentime?
• Should I have sent a different coat to preschool with my daughter?
• Did we do enough reading?
• Is my baby getting enough opportunities for sensory exploration?

And the list goes on. I’m sure other moms do this every day as well, but it’s hard. It’s hard not knowing if the little beings I’m entrusted to raise into big people are getting everything they need from me.

It’s a huge responsibility, right? Being responsible for raising another human being? My husband and I certainly do what we feel is right. We put them first.  They are the absolute center of our universe, but somehow it still seems like it’s not enough.

These little people that are so completely dependent on me is a huge weight. Sometimes as I watch them sleeping, I wonder if they feel they have everything they need. Or if they know any different. Or if some day, when they are older, they’ll feel that something was missing.

It probably never goes away – the self doubt of whether I am enough for them. But today, I choose to continue giving my little ones 110% of myself, until I crawl into bed at the end of a long day and miss their little heads and bodies until I see them again in the morning.